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Clean Jokes for Kids - girl with hair over her face

Why is it Important for Our Kids to Laugh Their Head Off?

There is nothing like good, funny kids jokes to tickle your funny bone and lighten a mood. In fact, laughing boosts your immune system and can improve your mood, outlook, and perspective–just like that. It also reduces stress, relaxes people, and can even work as pain relief. Plus, a good belly laugh uses a lot of great muscles!

 

Get the giggles. There is nothing more contagious and wonderful than the laughter of children.

 

Your laughter therapy starts here.

 

Enjoy!


 

These jokes are just the beginning of the laughing fest (or “laughing yoga” as my daughter and mother like to say). I share more jokes on Twitter and funny stuff on Pinterest. Oh! And be sure to check out the book I wrote, too. It includes even more travel games as well as over 1,000 other play activities so no matter where you are and what your interests or age, there is something in there for you–guaranteed! Check it out!


Q: What goes ha, ha bonk?
A: A kid laughing their head off.

A skeleton walks into a bar and says give me a drink and a mop.

Q: What’s a duck’s favourite snack?
A: Quackers.

Q: What’s a dog’s favourite snack?
A: Ruff-le chips.

Q. What’s black and white and red/read all over?
A. A newspaper.

Q. What kind of cats like to go bowling?
A. Alley cats.

Q. What kind of hair does the ocean have?
A. Wavy.

Q. How do you make antifreeze?
A. Take away her pajamas!

Q. Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A. He was looking for Pooh.

Q. What is a tree’s favourite drink?
A. Root beer.

Q. What colour is a burp?
A. Burple.

Q. How do you get alien babies to fall asleep?
A. You rock it (rocket).

Q. What did the momma broom say to her baby?
A. It’s time to go to sweep.

Q. What has two eyes, but can’t see?
A. An icicle.

Q. What has six eyes, but can’t see?
A. Three blind mice.

Q. What did the candle say to the other candle?
A. Do you want to go out tonight?

Q. Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
A. Because they looked like hares/hairs.

Q. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
A. She kept running away from the ball.

Q. How do cats bake cakes?
A. From scratch.

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. A karate chop.

Q. Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A. So they can hide in the strawberry patch.

Q. Why is six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven eight (ate) nine.

Q. What room doesn’t have doors?
A. A Mushroom.

Q. Why was the tomato red?
A. It saw the salad dressing.


 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a bell!
Doctor: Take these and give me a ring in the morning.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep!
Doctor: That’s baaaaad.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon!
Doctor: Sit still and don’t stir.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I can read your mind!
Doctor: I thought you might say that.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I’m only four feet tall!
Doctor: You’ll just have to be a little patient.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I’ve got Deja Vu!
Doctor: Didn’t I see you yesterday?

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I feel like I’m a bee!
Doctor: Buzz off, I’m busy.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!
Doctor: Sure, which way did you come in?

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I get these pains in my eye whenever I drink coffee.
Doctor: Have you tried taking the spoon out?

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I’ve broken my arm in two places!
Doctor: Well, don’t go back there again!

Patient: Doctor, doctor I think I’m a mosquito.
Doctor: You are being a sucker.

Patient: Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I’m a caterpillar!
Doctor: Don’t worry, you’ll soon change.

Patient: Doctor, doctor I think I’m invisible!
Doctor: Next patient, please!

Q. What do you get when you cross an artist with a policeman?
A. A brush with the law.

Q. Why was the rock so stubborn?
A. It was hard headed.
–Sent in by Gabby.

Q. What do you get when you cross a bear with a freezer?
A. A teddy brrrr.

Q. What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?
A. An animal that can milk itself.

Q. What do you get when you cross a cow with a grass cutter?
A. A lawn moooer.

Q. What do you get when you cross a spider with a computer?
A. A webpage.

Q. What do you get when you cross ice with a dog?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What do you get when you cross the Easter bunny with an insect?
A. Bugs Bunny.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a worm?
A. Huge holes in your garden.

Q. What do you get if you cross and elephant and a fish?
A. Swimming trunks.

Q. What kind of flower is good to kiss?
A. Tulips.
–Sent in by Gabby.

Q: What do witches use to style their hair?
A: Scare spray!

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it.

Q. When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
A. When you are a mouse.

Q: Why do witches ride brooms?
A: Vacuum cleaners are too heavy.

Q. Why are haunted houses so loud in May?
A. That’s when they do their spring screaming.

Q. What game do baby ghosts like to play?
A. Hide-and-go-shriek.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice-scream.

Q. What do you can a fat jack-o-lantern?
A. A plumpkin.

Q. Why don’t skeletons like parties?
A. They have no body to dance with.

Q. What kind of pet does a miner have?
A. A goldfish!
–Sent in by Gabby.


 

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Let us in and you’ll find out!

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Honeydew.
Honeydew who?
Honey do you want to go to the movies with me?

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry, it’s only a joke.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Let us in and you’ll find out!

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
I always knew you were nuts!

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Is a bell necessary on a bicycle!

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
I choose.
I choose who?
I choose you to be my valentine!

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Catsup.
Catsup who?
Your cat’s up a tree and won’t come down.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I’d butter not tell you.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Avenue.
Avenue who?
Avenue heard this joke before?

Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Nobody.
Nobody who?
(Don’t reply because there is nobody there!)

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
A. He heard the referee call fowls.

Q. Why did the gum cross the road?
A. It was stuck to the chicken.

Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. To give the chicken the day off.

Q. Why did the turtle cross the road?
A. To get to the shell station.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have the guts.

Q: Why did the cat cross the road?
A: He was a copy cat.

Q: Why didn’t the cat cross the road?
A: He was a scaredy cat.

Q. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A. The chicken hadn’t evolved yet.

Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. To get to the moooovies.

Q. Why did the clam cross the road?
A. To get to the other tide.


 

Looking for more? Check out Twitter–I share kids jokes. I also have more play ideas…

Might I also suggest this time-saver…

Get the Book: 1,001 Boredom Busting Play Ideas for families and kids.

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