How to Break the Rules

First of all, you need to decide what rules you have. This was actually kind of a tough one for me. There are rules all over the place. Social norms, cultural norms, gender norms, family norms, family rules, and more. But what rules do we have that feel like “rules” and can actually be broken? Safely.

I vote we smash rules of all forms and varieties when we tackle this challenge. And that could look like one or all of these:

• Putting your baby girl in a blue sleeper. (No need to leave the babies out of this challenge.)
• Let your little boy try out pigtails.
• Let the kids make a fort in the main room using the bedding off their beds and the couch cushions and the flashlights and the… and let them leave it there. All day.
• Jump on the beds!
• Pig out.
• Watch too much television.
• Instead of cleaning bedrooms before bed, make a bigger mess!
• Draw on the sidewalks. (Some communities have actually made this illegal!! Try Googling it. It’s shocking!)
• Talk with your mouth full of food.
• Play the music too loud.
• Indoor waterfight.
• Blow bubbles in the living room.
• Eat Jell-O powder.
• Walk on the furniture.
• Let the kids romp through the shredded paper before you take it to the recycle depot.
• Players choice–what rule do your kids want to break? How about you? What do you want to do?

Sounds like an interesting day, doesn’t it?

The biggest thing, I think, about breaking the rules is this: if the kids break a rule, it shouldn’t become more work for you. If the kids are responsible for cleaning their rooms and they decide not to make their bed or clean their rooms for Breaking a Rule, it shouldn’t mean that you have to run in there and clean it for them. That’s half the thing. If they break the run in the house rule and accidentally smash something–they have to fix it.

It’s not a scott free day. There are still real life consequences.

Stay tuned. On Friday I’m going to share one big rule kids love to break along with a million fun ways to do it! (Okay, maybe not a million.)

How about you? Have you and your kids broken any rules this week? Give it a shot and report back in the comment section below.

Do you let your kids break some rules?

I officially declare it…

Break the Rules Week

Why? Because it is October already.

Why? Because kids have already been strapped to desks and other structured activities for a month and you can see the grind beginning to wear on them already. Their goofy, playful spirits are starting to look a little less so… goofy and playful.

So, let’s break our kids free and let them break a few rules.

What? Jean, are you NUTS?

Yup. A little bit. Add sprinkles and ice cream.

But here’s the scoop. (Ha, ha!) Kids need to play. Freely. They need to experiment with life. They need to learn failure on their own terms when the stakes are low and in situations where they can fix it themselves. They need to figure out why some rules are unbreakable and why some are there for everyone’s sake and why some rules are there because Mom and Dad are just plain cranky about putting their hand on half-dried toothpaste in the middle of the night.

And how do you do this? By letting them enjoy a little anarchy.

So, to learn the rules… and respect the rules… sometimes kids need to break them.

As well there is some developmental value in breaking the rules.

The Value of UNstructured Play

When we were kids we engaged in a lot unstructured play without realizing what it was or why it was important. Basically, unstructured play was when we ran around like crazy looking for something to do and that something–whatever it was–had rules and regulations built by us (and our playmates) and lasted for however long we had or wanted it to. That stuff. Yeahhhhh. That’s unstructured play, and it taught us a lot about life.

Why is unstructured play important for kids?

Unstructured play allows kids to play at their own pace, follow their own interests as well as learn a great deal about their world and how they fit into it. They learn how to get along with others (e.g. conflict resolution, communication skills, compromise, and self control) as well as how to create their own rules of play. They learn how to change the rules (how to play baseball with only four players), why the rules need to be there (so Johnny doesn’t spend all day trying to hit the ball while everyone dies of boredom), and that some rules may not apply in some conditions or to some players (maybe Johnny can have five strikes instead of three until he gets better).

These days the average child spends a lot less time engaging in free play and are missing out on some of these life lesson learning situations.

But we can help them learn some of these in the home learning environment* by breaking a few rules–for fun. No lectures or life lessons need to be spent by parents if the kids get it by experiencing it. (Kids often learn best by learning and experimenting and living something in a very hands on way.)

So, go have fun!

I’ll post a few things on the blog this week as inspiration, but in the meantime think about a few rules you have. What rules can be safely broken?

You might find some of your rules can be tossed out–kids can sock us a few surprises sometimes! (Rules holding them back? I know! Crazy, but it could happen.) While other broken rules might have the kids begging to have them reinstated ASAP. (Especially if you start breaking those rules right along with them!)

What rules are you going to break? (My daughter wants to jump on the beds, boot her brother out of her room (permanently, I think), kick the house (??), run in the house, yell in the house, and generally be an out-of-control hooligan. Sounds good. And what will she learn? I bet you can already guess.)

* Another good way to let kids learn is to send them outside to play with their friends more often–somewhere where we can’t interfere and solve all their problems for them.

Can kids learn by breaking the rules? http://t.co/vu3EQthu #parenting #teaching

— Jean Oram (@KidsPlay) October 2, 2012