Snow Play, Imagination, and Empowerment for Kids
Did you ever do this as a kid? Stomp your way through the snow with your heels close together and your toes pointing out so the tracks you made with your boots looked like the track of a tractor?
My brother and I once walked painstakingly allllll the way up our driveway at an equal distance away from each other making our ‘tractor’ prints all the way to where the school bus picked us up. Our hopes? That we would fool Mom and Dad into thinking a tractor had come down the driveway.
Did we fool them? I dunno. I doubt it. I have a feeling my equidistant footsteps weren’t as perfect as my older brother’s. That and the fact that the tractor stopped right at the end of the front walk. And one track had size 9 shoes and the other about a size 1. Among several other tiny flaws. Like the fact that it took us a really, really long time to get to the end of the driveway and they probably saw us.
But the cackles we had at the thought of our parents being fooled into thinking a tractor had come by was fun.
Why Kids Should Pull Pranks on Adults
There is something special about being a kid and thinking you’ve pulled the wool over the eyes of an adult. It is empowering and takes a bit of a cognitive leap to create and pull off a good prank. Timing. Patience. And a bit of problem solving as well as imagining the foreseeable flaws in the ploy to fool others.
When you were a kid, what was your favourite or most memorable prank you pulled on an adult? Do your kids pull pranks on you?
When Playtime Goes Bad
Ever had one of those days when the kids just can’t seem to get along? Or the kids are playing in a way that you feel is simply too rough? Or they are playing in what seems to be a ‘mean’ or ‘unkind’ way with their toys?
Well guess what? It’s normal. It’s healthy.
Actually, really healthy.
Here’s the scoop.
Kids learn a TON through play. We love it when they learn the good stuff, right? We see them sitting up straight while playing tea party and politely asking the hostess for more tea. It makes our heart swell and we feel as though we are doing a smashing bang-up job of this parenting thing. But what about the bad stuff? The ‘gimmes’ and the shoving and the unkind words. (Or in the photo above when they laugh as they run over their doll with a toy car.) That makes us feel like we need to run and hide and never let the kids out of the house for fear of exposing our apparent incompetency. We want to fix it and we want to fix it quick.
But here’s the thing. Children need that rough, tough play. This is how they learn to deal with conflict, hurt feelings, anger and other less savory emotions. This is where they learn to stand up for themselves, figure out social dynamics, and even develop empathy. No, really.
Vigorous social play releases… a protein that stimulates the growth of new neurons in brain regions involved in emotional reaction and social learning. ~ Gabrielle Principe “Your Brain on Childhood” page 207. Click to Tweet
It has been shown that boys who engage in rough and tumble play and wrestling and all that crazy behaviour that makes us moms shout “Not in the house!” tend to be more empathetic, know where the line is for their behaviours, and are socially more in tune with others.
Young rats denied opportunities for rough-and-tumble play develop numerous social problems. They fail to recognize social cues and the nuances of rat hierarchy; they aren’t able to mate. ~ Gabrielle Principe “Your Brain on Childhood” page 207.
Children who don’t engage in this rough kind of play tend to be more violent later in life as they haven’t learned those boundaries in their youth. They don’t understand those consequences. Children really need that physical play.
That rough-and-tumble play for girls can look a little different as it tends to be more psychological. For example, when you hear your girls playing Barbies while having them talk smack to each other, that is their version of rough play. (Think mean girls.) But they are actually learning important (vital) social dynamics. And it is healthy–to an extent. When we interfere and don’t let them play and work it out on their own we are preventing them from learning the skills they need to resolve these sorts of issues on their own.
So, if you worry about your kids being able to stand up for themselves as well as others, let them play. Let them try on mean behaviours. Let them correct each other and put each other in their place. Let them figure out how to get along together. At first it might be hard, but the independence, self-confidence, and ability to resolve issues is going to be key for their future success.
How about you? What do you do to prevent yourself from interfering? At what point do you feel it is appropriate to step in?
The other day I was doing stuff in the living room and I turned around to see my 9-year-old had engaged in a random act of play and drawn this (see above) on the blanket we keep over our couch. Wow. Pretty cool.
Do you catch your kids at random acts of play?
This weekend, keep your eyes out for all the random moments in time you find your kids playing whether it is placing all their Shreddies in a line, drawing on the frosty car windows, walking funny, or making silly faces in the mirror when they are supposed to be brushing their teeth.
Kids naturally fall into play as it is nature’s way of teaching them about the world (as well as relaxing them). Drawing the girl in the photo above, my daughter learned about texture, the grain of the material she was working with, space, dimensions, and more. For her, she was just having fun.
Playing is fun. Playing is learning. Play makes learning fun.
Sometimes we get wrapped up in the ‘shoulds’ of learning and play. As adults we like to try and impose structure and schedules and our thoughts about play on our kids. That’s a natural tendency for us, but it isn’t the way kids learn naturally. They learn best through unstructured play which has freedom and flexibility. It doesn’t have rules or structure or time limits. For example, above, my daughter used her finger on a blanket. Voila. A moment of unstructured play. If I had tried to teach her all the things she innately absorbed in her moment of random play, it would have taken me ages to prepare. It would have bored her most likely, and it wouldn’t have been meaningful for her.
Does she remember making this drawing? Only because she saw me take a picture of it. But does her brain remember what she learned while drawing? You betcha. She connected neurons. She had fireworks going off in her brain as she took this self-discovery, self-initiated play in different directions. Heck, there was even some problem solving mixed in here when she discovered moving her finger one way erased the line she was trying to form!
So, while we may get frustrated when kids drag their feet, remember that there is a lot going on in that growing brain and that your child is learning a lot about the world around them.
Relax, let them play. Value it. Cherish it. And: If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
Question: What have you caught your kids playing at lately? Have there been any random acts of play? Watch for them. Maybe even instigate one or two as well!
Enjoy!
It’s an easy answer, but one that might surprise you. (As well as save you some mullah, mullah, mullah.)
The answer: Unscripted toys.
Say what?
What are Unscripted Toys?
Unscripted toys are toys that are not licensed. They don’t match up with a movie. Or a video game. Or a book. Or bedding. Think… building blocks and simple toys like that. Toys that don’t come with a predetermined story. These toys can be props for many different kinds of play. They can be almost anything.
For example, a scripted toy would be a lovely magic wand you picked up at the toy store. An unscripted toy would be the amazing stick your kid found in the backyard. When your kids play with a magic wand–what is it? Chances are 9 times out of 10 it is a magic wand. Now think about when you kid plays with a stick. It’s rarely the same thing twice. It’s unscripted. It doesn’t have a predetermined ‘this is it’ attached to it. Sticks can be a magic wand, but they can also be canes, guns, limbo rods, something to poke with, something to float in the river, swords, scepters, digging devices, and so much more.
Another example of an unscripted toy would be blocks. Few children have blocks these days, however, according to Parenting Science: “complex block-play is linked with advanced math skills in later life.” Playing with unscripted toys such as blocks promotes language skills, imagination, creative thinking, and even math and spatial skills. (Ever tried making a freehand Lego plane without any spatial skills?)
And yeah, it’s true that few kids scream and go “OHMIGOD, you got me blocks! You are the best mom EVER!” when they unwrap an unscripted toy from under the tree. (The marketers of scripted and licensed toys sure know what they are doing, that’s for sure!) But think about those building blocks. What are they? What can they become? How many different uses can they have? (Ours have been everything from towers for knocking over to playgrounds and complex houses for Littlest Pet Shops to roads for toy cars.) Blocks are a toy that will grow with the kids and won’t require you to spend another $200 so your kids can enjoy the full building block experience and play out the whole building block story. It’s simple. It’s healthy. It’s fun!
Scripted Toys vs. Unscripted Toys: The Case of Barbie
When I started thinking about scripted toys, I thought about Barbie. She’s an interesting chick. She can be both scripted and unscripted.
An example of unscripted would be the nothing-special Barbie you get for less than $10. Scripted Barbie is generally over $30 such as my daughter’s Muskateer Barbie. Muskateer Barbie is based on the Barbie movie, Barbie and the Three Muskateers.
When my daughter plays Barbies, Muskateer Barbie always Muskateer Barbie. Why? Because she came with a script. A script that says she rescues people and dares to believe in herself. (Not a bad script.) Muskateer Barbie rides a horse and my daughter (she saw the movie before getting the Barbie–marketer’s paradise, hello!) believed she needed a horse to fully play out the script of Muskateer Barbie. A Kleenex box car wouldn’t do for her! No way. She couldn’t ride the leopard teddy bear like the other Barbies because it wasn’t part of the script. And unlike Miss Whatever-Nothing-Special Barbie, Muskateer Barbie was not the star in zillions of scripts ranging from Rapunzel, Island Princess, Rock Star, Mother, Mean Girl, or Fairy. Nope. She was a one-way-to-play only kind of gal.
Why is this?
Because of the script surrounding the Barbie. It limited my daughter’s perception of what this Barbie could be and what sort of adventures she could have.
Think of the average Lego kit you see in stores these days. They usually have something to do with some blockbuster movie, don’t they? (Thinking of Pirates of the Caribbean and Star Wars off the top of my head.) Kids collect these kits. They build them as per the directions using no creativity, imagination, and with limited problem solving. They play with the Lego set in the way the script (preordained by adults, I might add) and in that one way. Then it sits on their shelf. They don’t take them apart and make them a million and one other things like we used to with those random ‘uncool’ kits you rarely see kids with these days.
If you take a look down most toy aisles you are going to see that 80% or more of the toys are licensed, scripted toys. In other words they are part of some larger story some brilliant marketers have dreamed up.
Is this bad?
Yes, and no. If you want to keep buying lots of toys to ‘satisfy the need to fill the script’ then go for it. Sometimes those scripts can be a jumping off point for other, powerful, imaginative play. (My daughter and her friends played Muskateers for many recesses during the Muskateer Barbie phase and focused on being strong, powerful, confident girls who had the resources to save the prince. I liked that. It was a good phase and that script talked to them about empowerment that I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish.)
However, if you want toys that are going to last your kids through something longer than a week to a month long phase and want to build some problem solving, creativity, and math skills (hello, blocks), as well as let your kids out of the mold for a bit, then consider putting a few things under the tree this year that might include these unscripted toys:
Unscripted Toys To Put Under the Tree
- Craft kits–open ended with beads, string, stickers, glue, paper, etc., so kids can make WHATEVER they want and in whatever combination suits their fancy. You may find it is easier to make up a kit like this on your own as most kits are designed for kids to make one thing, and one thing only.
- Art supplies. Lots and lots of it!
- Playdough! (Or make your own. Great stocking stuffer. Click here for my easy and cheap homemade playdough recipe.)
- Lego–non kit kind. (Get the little Lego people too. Kids LOVE the people and they are the basis of many creative adventures!)
- Animal figurines. Dinosaurs, farm animals, wild animals, you name it, go for it!
- Barbies and action dolls that don’t have to do with a script. (Regular old $4 Barbie vs $30 Special Movie Princess Barbie.)
- Toys with no batteries. Toys with batteries that make the sounds for the kids replaces the desire for them to make those sounds themselves. For example, those robot dogs, while seemingly cool, lose their appeal in about 5 minutes because there in only one way to play with them and that way gets really boring, really fast. You don’t even make the noise for the dog and determine its moods. Bummer, dude.
- Any toys that you feel could become a million and one things.
- Balls
- Balloons–the more the better. Have a balloon fest! (For our 2-year-old we once filled a room with balloons. Er, I mean Santa did. She spent HOURS in there playing. Best $2 we ever spent.)
- Blocks (Of course)
- Dress up clothes that are versatile. (A fancy dress that isn’t something specific like a licensed Disney Sleeping Beauty princess dress so it can be worn in many different ‘fancy dress’ adventures.)
- A puppy. A real one.
In other words, try to avoid some of the toys that are part of a larger merchandising scheme. Hand your kids a couple of unscripted toys this Christmas and sit back and watch. At first your kids might ignore them for the shiny well-marketed toys or be at a loss on what to do with these ‘open-ended’ toys. You may find to initiate play you may have to get down and play with them for a few minutes. Then sit back and watch some free play take off!
How about you? What do you think about scripted toys? Are there some unscripted toys that have been a real hit in your world?
It’s Back to School and Extracurricular Time!
The other day I met someone whose role embodies free play, independence fostering, and all sorts of wonderful things we never really take time to think about but are instrumental in developing the skills we value in our future leaders. Her name is Christine Berman and she is a mother and a Destination Imagination (an extracurricular program) team leader. This information is from an interview in the upcoming It’s All Kid’s Play newsletter. Click here to get the full interview and learn more about this great program.
What is Destination Imagination?
Basically, Destination Imagination is a team program for kids in the preschool to grade 12 range who get together to solve creative challenges. Challenges can be brief (5 minutes) or longer (such as a month long) and more involved. They can compete locally or on the international level. There are over 30 countries and over 100,000 students involved in the Destination Imagination program.
Here is an example of a Main Challenge that my daughter’s team solved in the past: in the Structural challenge, they needed to create a structure made entirely of newspaper and glue which weighed less than 30 grams, but could hold as much weight as possible. This structure then had to be incorporated into a creative 8-minute skit of a retelling of a newspaper article about an important event occurring in a different country. My team’s take on this… Their 13-gram structure held 450 lbs and was integral in the re-stabilization of the leaning Tower of Pisa, which had originally been damaged by Super Mario as he raced in the Italian Grand Prix. Not one adult could have thought that up! –Christine Berman
What do Kids Learn in the Destination Imagination Program?
According to Christine, they learn skills such as: “problem solving, patience, budgeting, writing, team work, hard work, scheduling, patience, team building, art, mathematics, engineering skills, acting, technology, playing by the rules, patience, flexibility, communication with others, self-esteem, fast thinking, dealing with stress… did I mention patience?”
That sounds like a lot of the same essential skills kids learn via free play.
How is it that this STRUCTURED program leads to the same benefits as UNSTRUCTURED free play? Here’s how:
The team managers don’t tell kids how to solve the problems they present them with. The kids run the show. According to Christine, parents even sign a “no interference” contract! And during competitions if the coaches/adult leaders make a peep during the challenges the team will be penalized or even disqualified. In other words, the coaches/adult leaders simply provide the team with the resources they need such as a meeting place, take them shopping for materials, and teach them how to do things such as use a power drill, how to sew, or how to use a glue gun as requested by the kids. The kids are responsible for EVERYTHING else from getting along to deciding how to take on a project to what materials they will need to how to manage a team and resolve conflicts. Everything.
Watching your child make a mistake without saying anything is absolutely contrary to being a parent, but their mistakes mean much more when they see it for themselves. That’s where the real lessons are learned! –Christine Berman
Kind of sounds like real life, doesn’t it? And if you think back to your own childhood some bells might be ringing there too.
How awesome is Destination Imagination?
To learn more about this fantastic program, see project photos, and to read more of the interview, subscribe (for free) to the It’s All Kid’s Play newsletter. Once you’ve done that, share what your favourite extracurricular program from when you were a kid. (Or if you have Destination Imagination experience, share that too–I’d love to hear more!
Tweet this the easy way:
Possibly the best extracurricular program for your kids. Ever. http://t.co/JOaKK96R #extracurricular #kids #school
— Jean Oram (@KidsPlay) September 15, 2012
